He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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