I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
