Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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