I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
