nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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