if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
