Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm sobbing to NWA
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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