Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
