My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize