just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
