My hand turned me down
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
