she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
