Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
