btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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