i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
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She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
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We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize