I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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