I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
