that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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