I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
