He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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