the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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