the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
