Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
