It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
