from now on my penis is your penis
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
