No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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