and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
