mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
