Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
