Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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