you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize