I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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