great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
