I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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