All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.