Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
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i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
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I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT