Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...