I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
