He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Green mimosas i think yes
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
