I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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