ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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