He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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