I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
