You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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