i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
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I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
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dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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