so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Randomize
