I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
