so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
