I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
