Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize