remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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