I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
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When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
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Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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