a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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