So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
