Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
