is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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