so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
