btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
