the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
