I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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