Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Sober January is a disaster.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
