Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
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He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
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and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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