you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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