Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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