I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
this will be a night to untag.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
