I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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